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Feb 12, 2020 Guest Posts Gina Mitchell 318 views

Okay…so now it’s February.

Did you make New Year resolutions on New Year’s Eve? If so…May I ask you a question?

How are you going with them? Have you made any progress? Or…has it fallen by the wayside.

This happens all too much. It is so easy to say what you will do on New Year’s Eve with a glass of champagne in your hand. Then you may have even started …going to the gym, eating healthier, making time for friends, getting that divorce ….(whatever it may be for you).

If you are still on top of carrying out your resolutions. Well done, you! Keep up the great work and congratulations.

If you aren’t …well…… There are 2 things to consider…

  1. You did not really want that ‘thing’ anyway. If so, stop beating yourself up and let it go.
  2. You do want it….but just don’t know how to go about achieving it.

Whatever is happening for you, here are 5 hacks to enable you to have a successful 2020.

  1. Set some goals

No!…….goals do not have to be set on New Year’s Eve. It is an opportune time, but not essential.

So, figure out what you really want. Sit down and brainstorm what you want for yourself in the next 6 or 12 months. Write it down! Writing it down makes it real. Your hand, fingers and all the muscles involved with writing have been activated along with your brain. This makes it more visceral and means it is more likely to happen. I wrote an article on how to set goals which was published in this newsletter a while ago. If you would like to check it out go HERE. This will help you with the right structure to help keep you on track.

Focus on the things you do want rather than what you don’t want. Instead of saying ‘I don’t want to be broke’ say the opposite instead, using positive language – ‘I am wealthy’. Our unconscious mind does not process negatives and it will hear ‘broke’ and if this is what you focus on, this is what you get. So, each time you find yourself saying or writing about what you don’t want, quickly switch it to make it to what you do want using positive language.

  1. Schedule in Fun Time

With so much on our plates, it is easy to become a ‘work robot’! Right?

So…Don’t be a work robot!!

Schedule time daily/weekly/monthly/yearly for TIME OUT!

Remember…what you don’t schedule, most probably won’t happen. So just do it!!

This is a very important part of your self-care and having a balanced life.

What I find is very handy for looking at the monthly and yearly fun and self-care. Get a yearly planner and put in your holidays and breaks. Yep…block them out! This is the way to ensure that they happen. It is important to plan for it.

The yearly fun time is usually an extended holiday, whether domestic or overseas. It requires a bit of planning. Also, you may like to include weekends away to do the things you love, e.g. a weekend spa with girlfriends. This does not have to break the bank either. So, get creative and say within your budget!

Maybe your monthly fun could be a night out with some friends or a weekend bar-be-que. Or it could be a massage, manicure or some other way to treat yourself.

The weekly fun could be simply a date night or movie and popcorn night. I am sure you get the idea and you can put on your thinking cap and get creative. I wrote an article on self-care that you can read HERE. It has lots of ideas that you could use. It was also published in this newsletter some time ago.

  1. Catch Up with People in Person

Yes…this one can be combined with the hack above.

Scientific studies 1 2 3 4 show that being connected to others is the most important thing for happiness.

Of course, to catch up on Skype or Zoom if you live away from loved ones is better than not catching up at all. However, sometimes, we take the lazy way out and just Facebook message to keep in touch. This is not a bad thing…..but it is so much better to be in the same room/space as others…if possible. It makes for a better connection.

Meet your friends at the beach or in the park for a picnic. Arrange a run or walk with family and friends so you are connecting as well as getting fit. Join a sports team. Eyeball people in person.

Get really connected. Let those endorphins (feel good chemicals your body makes when you feel happy) flow freely through you as you have fun with others in person.

  1. Face Your Traumas

Just by living on planet earth, we experience traumas at some points in our lives. Usually it is in childhood when we are the most vulnerable. Seeing parents fight, divorce, domestic violence, bullying at school are just a few. Even if you had the most idyllic childhood, there would still be incidents that would have traumatised you.

Often, we are not even aware of it consciously. For the ones you are aware of…… the advice….. face them. Don’t run away from them.

Of course, if something causes us pain, we tend to back away. That is a natural reaction and is designed to keep you safe. It is just that we need to face them to heal them. Note the paradox!

So, what have you been suppressing? Think about it! Be honest with yourself. Think hard and write a list of all the traumas that you experienced throughout your life. Be with the feelings that come up. Yes…it is uncomfortable…but necessary. You may even find that giving it space, the ‘monster’ is not as big and awful as you imagined.

Also facing and healing these traumas is so good for your physical body too. Traumas become trapped in our bodies and can show up as tight muscles, disease and unhappiness. 5

Releasing the negative emotions and decisions you made around these traumas is such a liberating experience. It’s like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. This frees up your energy so that you can do all of those things you love.

  1. Get a Coach

I just mentioned that there are many traumas that you carry around unconsciously. Some memories are suppressed with the intention of keeping you safe. However, they do manage to raise their ugly heads in the form of disease, phobias and limiting beliefs. They remain until they are released and healed.

We can’t see our own blind spots. However, others can.

One of my clients could not figure out why she continually had bad dreams. She’d been having these nightmares all her life. With the work we did together she discovered that something specific had happened to her when she was a child. The work we did had brought it to consciousness. It was a shock, but she healed it and released it using some of the Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) techniques. She has not had a nightmare since and is sleeping peacefully. She also reported to me that she is much happier and feels like a heavy weight had been lifted from her.

Having a coach does not only help you with past traumas but can also help you to set goals that really inspire and motivate you allowing you to become the best version of yourself and to live the life you truly want. 6

This is particularly great for women going through midlife and beyond. The hormonal programming has worn off or is in the process of wearing off. This means we want different things for ourselves to what we may have wanted in the past and coaching is an effective and efficient way to get what we want now without the guilt and other stories we tell ourselves that keep us small.

If you would like some help with making your life wonderful and making a plan for the  life YOU want, book in for a quick chat with me using my online calendar https://calendly.com/gcmitchell58/quick-chat

 

 

References:

  1. Leyden, KM. et al. ‘Understanding the Pursuit of Happiness in Ten Major Cities’. Urban Affair Review: April 2011: Accessed 17th January 2020: http://citiesbeautiful.org/system/files/Understanding%20the%20Pursuit%20of%20Happiness%20in%20Ten%20Major%20Cities.pdf
  2. Hsu, HC. Et al. ‘Social Connections and Happiness Among the Elder Population of Taiwan’. 2015: Accessed 17th January 2020: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/13607863.2015.1004160
  3. Rohrer, JM. et al. ‘Successfully Striving for Happiness: Socially Engaged Pursuits Increases in life Satisfaction’. Psychological Science, in press. Accessed 17th January 2020: http://home.uni-leipzig.de/diffdiag/pppd/wp-content/uploads/Manuscript-Pursuit-of-Happiness_final.pdf
  1. Mejia, Z. ‘Harvard’s Longest Study of Adult Life Reveals How You Can Be Happier and more Successful’ March 2018. Make It: Accessed 17th January 2020: https://www.cnbc.com/2018/03/20/this-harvard-study-reveals-how-you-can-be-happier-and-more-successful.html
  1. Centre for Substances Abuse Treatment (US). Trauma-Induced care in Behavioural Health Services. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 57.) Chapter 3, Understanding the Impact of Trauma. Accessed 17th January 2020: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/
  1. Greif, S. ‘Advances in Research on Coaching Outcomes’. October 2007. Research Gate. Accessed 17th January 2020: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/200735401_Advances_in_research_on_coaching_outcomes
Gina Mitchell

About The Author - Gina Mitchell

Gina is a certified life coach who has been supporting her clients to reach their goals since 2011. Her niche is coaching women over 40 because of her own challenges with midlife and menopause. She wrote a #1 best-selling book about female midlife relationships called ‘Ignite the Spark’. Gina has a background as a scientist and teacher. She taught secondary science full time for over 30 years. Her passions include, her pet cats, travel, advocating for animal rights and the environment.

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